The Witty Woman Is Still Not Dead

The news is I am not yet dead. But I am now 61. Jesus. That’s on the outside lane to six foot under. However, I haven’t quite reached the stage of an electric scooter or ear trumpet. (Though to be honest, I think I might get a bit of a kick riding one of those scooters so long as they do over 30 mph.)

A lot has happened in my life in the last decade which, if I related it, would make several trilogies. Somehow I am still on this planet in a world that is vastly different from the one I started blogging in back in 2007. 

What is the fascination with Instagram and all that stylised crap, with young women with ginormous butts trying to convince everyone of their importance by taking pictures on the edge of a desolate mountain, pouting with lips the size of a blowfish that look like they could explode at a moment’s notice?

I wonder if anyone tries to smuggle drugs using butt implants for transportation?

I’d like to see a fly-on-the-wall documentary on that. That would be riveting.

“Harmony’s butt implants are of an unusual variety. Customs Officer Steve Gotcha is concerned about their unflattering hardened appearance which suggests more than just ordinary implants. His stomach churns as he pulls on his disposable gloves. Some jobs even the most hardened customs officer is not prepared for. This one also requires a face mask.”

Mobile phones. I remember when you had to practically crank them up, now everyone’s got them and as much as they might prove useful they are a curse on society, in the same way as social media can be. I often see people sitting together but doing nothing except looking at their phones. The other day, I saw four people sitting in a line all on their phones ignoring each other. I wonder if they were texting each other?

Hey where are you?

Sitting on a bench in the marketplace.

Oh cool. I am too. Which one?

The one opposite the statue of some old guy with a funny hat.

Oh yes, I see him. I think he’s an old prime minister from a really long time ago.

David Cameron?

Could be. Did David Cameron win World War Two?

Yeah I think so.

So, either him or Napoleon. He was the other guy with the hat.

Hey is that you?

Where?

Sitting next to me?

Oh yeah. Cool. You got a new phone?

Yes, I’m using ChatGPT.

Ok cool. Ask it about the statue.

Types…

It says it’s Winston Churchill. Apparently he was a World War Two prime minister.

Oh cool. That’s the Vietnam War then. They taught us all about that at school.

Wow I’m learning new stuff all the time.

It’s amazing, folks, how young people have so much information at their fingertips and don’t seem to know much.

Churchill would be turning in his grave.

I’m still partial to my freedom of speech and I think Winston would be too. I think he’d have a few choice words to call our mighty leader Keir Starmer. I can think of some very descriptive words. Unfortunately most of them would probably land me behind bars so let’s just say if I had a choice between conversing with Keir Starmer and walking barefoot through dog excrement, I’d choose the latter.

Hey ho. I’m back. I’ve also got a new secret anon blog known to all but a few. The witty woman is back in business.