How do you gauge getting old?

So just how do you gauge when you're getting old?

Is it how many wrinkles you've got?

Is it when you get more aches and pains than you get birthday cards?

Is it when you have more dead friends than alive ones?

Is it when the doctor says There's nothing I can do. You'll just have to put up with it ?

Is it when your children ask you where do you keep your will?

Is it when you consider buying a Skoda because it's economical?

Is it when you go out to buy an evening dress and come back with thermal long johns?

Is it when you watch The Antiques Roadshow and realise you are actually older than most of the so called "antiques" on display?

Is it when you request a book at the library and the assistant directs you to the large print section?

Is it when you stop saying You'd never catch me dead wearing that and start saying That looks comfortable ?

No Dear Readers it is none of these. It is the middle of the night. I have insomnia exacerbated by a bad cold. I just switched on the PC to read the news and I have had the defining moment. I read the following headline:

Irish Actor Confirmed for Arnie Remake

Yes, that's right. They are going to make a remake of the Arnold Schwarzenegger film Total Recall.

That's it. I'm officially old.

Bugger.