Another Eurovision Song Contest Disaster

So it was yet another Eurovision Song Contest failure for us Brits last night. We came in nineteenth position - out of the twenty-six finalists. I voted (in my mind only as I'm not prepared to waste my money on it) for Greece because of their high kicking dancing fiasco and also because the Greeks need a morale booster with all that economic mess they're in. Now don't go saying I shouldn't have voted for the best song because no one does that in the Eurovision song contest anymore so I am justifying my actions for no other reason than blatant favouritism towards men in silly costumes. Also, I voted for Greece because the telephone operator kept rejecting my requests to vote for the Swedish meatballs.

So costumes by Jean Paul Gaultier, tedious voting procedures from exhibitionist TV presenters, Greek dancing,  Swedish meatballs, a woman wearing a funeral wreath riding an imaginary bike, cheesy small talk and strained smiling akin to having a poker up the backside and Graham Norton giving a running commentary.

And  GB got more points than France and Germany.

Actually, I call that a successful night's entertainment. Roll on next year!

 Here's Denmark and the winning entry  Only Teardrops by Emmelie De Forest.

Music Monday: A Winning Song?

I haven't done a Music Monday post for quite a while. However, as the time of year when music fever hits Europe is fast approaching, it's time for me to get back on track.

When I say music fever hits Europe - I mean the annual joviality called the Eurovision Song Contest.

Now us Brits have always laughed at the Eurovision contest. Basically, we think it's a load of tripe performed by folks dressed in clogs and silly hats trying to tap dance their way to success whilst singing either an appallingly bland ballad or a ridiculously geeky tune about everyone in Europe holding hands. The winning song will usually have a chorus which starts something like La, La, Hip Bop, Do Do, Da Da, and may mention something to the effect of we all love each other, I love you, Let's Marry And Have Eurovision Babies - in a kind of bullshit, stick your fingers down your throat kind of way. Or, to put it simply, it's a bit like a Police record - only without Sting and without any musical ability.

Right, you should be getting a picture of how us Brits think about Eurovsion night now - an evening of sheer comic entertainment, fuelled by copious amounts of alcohol and unadulterated jingoism...punctuated by some slow hand clapping every time the French produce another ballad.

Now, just to give you an overview, in the early days of Eurovision, we took it more seriously and even fielded big names like Cliff Richard, Sandi Shaw and Mary Hopkins. Then we went on a long phase of entering relative unknowns or groups put together especially for the occasion and yet we still had success  - and then everything changed. Europe ( in fact it's not just Europe, pretty much anyone can participate) stopped having fun, stopped voting for the best song and it all got political. Consequently, as us Brits are hugely unpopular and an island nation with no neighbours to cuddle up to, we get bugger all votes.

Look, it's not that I'm bitter...

Yeah, yeah alright I am bitter! I like having Euro fun! But it's got to be fair fun. Otherwise I can get into a HUGE sulk.

Anyway, why are us Brits so unpopular? Come on, aren't we really, really sweet, kind and charitable? I thought we were! And if that isn't enough - we also make fabulous cucumber sandwiches and jelly trifles, we have a Queen with a nice sparkly hat and a Prime Minister with only a small double chin who is actually quite good looking and... and...and... we make lots of spectacular costume dramas.

Oh and last, but not least, we practically saved Europe from Hitler all by ourselves!

 Why, why, why are we so hated???? Oh, it's just not fair...what have we ever done wrong?

(Nobody mention we exported David and Victoria Beckham please.)

Anyway,  in the last few years we've done so badly at Eurovision it's embarrassing. We are the country that produced The Beatles for goodness sake and we take our music seriously! Yes - everything from opera to rap is serious business and yet, despite this, we've haven't won since 1997 when Katrina and the Waves sang Love Shine A Light. Yep, since 1997 then we've barely got off zero. In fact, we've come last three times which is unbelievable! Now, some of these results are due to politics - poor Andy Abraham, who served up a great disco song in 2008, came last with a pathetic 14 points - but some of the results are because we've tried to stay in tune with Europe and, sadly, fielded some really awful tunes.

But the last few years things have started to change in the UK, we're fed up with losing and we've started to bring in experienced commercial writers - in 2009 we brought in Andrew Lloyd Webber and in 2010 Pete Waterman. Andrew Lloyd Webber's entry came fifth and Pete Waterman's came last. Soooooo not very good results from our millionaire record makers then!  The problem, as I see it, is we are still trying to beat the others at their own game - ie producing material in the same vein was never, ever, going to work.

But things are going to be different this year. Oh yes!

Well maybe....

Anyway, we are fielding Blue Yes, Blue. I talked about Blue back here. If you haven't heard of Blue let me tell you they are a classy British pop act. Four blokes who can genuinely sing and who have sold 14 million albums and have had 40 number ones across Europe. They wrote a song, I Can, which they were originally contemplating as an anthem for a sporting event. However, when an invitation to perform at Eurovision came through they decided to accept the challenge and use I Can. So, at last, after many, many years, we have an experienced, successful pop act with a sophisticated pop tune representing us - will it make any difference though? We'll have to wait and see!  In the meantime, judge for yourselves whether this is the winning song;

BLUE - I CAN

Mrs T's Eurovision Memoirs (3) Smoochy Time!

Everyone loves a smoochy tune; the song destined to be the last dance at discos and weddings. The Eurovision Song Contest and has churned out quite a few smoochies over the years but some are a little more memorable than others! One of my favourites is the 1987 winning entry Hold Me Now sung by Johnny Logan. So for all of you feeling a little lovey dovey right now here's something to help with the the mood...

I like Johnny's passionate delivery in this song. And as he also wrote it I'm assuming there was at least a little bit of self exposure in the lyrics. Maybe that's why it came across so well rather than some of the more painful exaggerated emotions that sometimes accompany power ballads.

Johnny Logan is a legend in Eurovision terms as Hold Me Now was actually his second win. He first represented Ireland back in 1979 but it was his 1980 hit What's Another Year written by another song writer that secured his first win and set him on the path to the Eurovision hall of fame. In 1984 he also composed a song Terminal 3 sung by Linda Martin which came second and in 1992 the same collaboration gave Johnny his third win with Why Me? This made him one of the most successful Eurovision Artists in its history. In fact, in 2005 Hold Me Now was voted third most popular Eurovision song of all time behind Abba with Waterloo(1974) in poll position and Volare by Domenico Modugno (1958) in second place.

Johnny Logan went on to have huge hits with his two Eurovision wins but never really cracked the UK market with the follow up records - although there has been some suggestion that this was due to poor management. As a singer who followed in his father's footsteps Johnny still has a lovely melodic voice and this is still recognised today in Ireland and the rest of Europe where he is still hugely popular.

Let's end with the song that really started it all off - What's Another Year.

Mrs T's Eurovision Memoirs(2) Gibberish comes up trumps.

If you read my last Music Monday Post you'll know I'm posting on the Eurovision contest over the coming days. So here is one of my favourites, the 1975 winning song by Teach In who sang a tune with a truly memorable title (worthy of Freudian analysis) called Ding-a-Dong.


I used to have curtains like that.

And is that hair for real or a wig? Cos if it is a wig I want one it. I'm not saying I've got hair loss but last time I shaved my legs I collected the hairs and stuck them on my head.

Okay, let's have a look at the lyrics;

When you're feeling alright
Everything is up-tight
Listen to sing a song that goes ding, ding a dong
There will be no sorrow
When you'll sing tomorrow
And you walk along with your ding dang dong

Ding a dong every hour
When you pick a flower
Even when your lover is gone gone gone
Ding a dong listen to it
Maybe it's a big hit
Even when your lover is gone gone gone
Sing ding dang dong

When you're feeling alright
Everything is up-tight
Try to sing a song that goes ding, ding a dong
And the world looks sunny
Everyone is funny
When they sing a song that goes ding dang dong

Ding a dong every hour
When you pick a flower
Even when your lover is gone gone gone
Ding a dong listen to it
Maybe it's a big hit
Even when your lover is gone gone gone

Ding dang dong, ding a dang dong

When you think it's all over
They let me down
Dry your tears and forget all your sorrow
Try to smile while you say goodbye
Sing ding dong, ding dong
Ding dang dong
When you'll wake up tomorrow
When the sun is up in the sky

When you're feeling alright
Everything is up-tight
Listen to a song that goes ding, ding a dong
There will be no sorrow
When you'll sing tomorrow
And you walk along with your ding dang dong

Ding a dong every hour
When you pick a flower
Even when your lover is gone gone gone
Ding a dong listen to it
Maybe it's a big hit
Even when your lover is gone gone gone

Ding a dong every hour
When you pick a flower
Even when your lover is gone gone gone
Ding a dong listen to it
Maybe it's a big hit
Even when your lover is gone gone gone (rpt)

Hmm... now correct me if I'm wrong but I'm thinking Shakespeare didn't write those lyrics. In fact if someone would like to translate them into something that makes sense please do try! And I'm a bit worried about all that walking around with your ding dang dong. Sounds like the kind of thing you might get arrested for. Basically those lyrics are complete gibberish but nevertheless it was the winning song. So I've concluded that for the UK to win the 2010 Eurovision contest I need to write the lyrics! Surely there can be no one better than Mrs T at writing nonsense?

Well apparently there is.

Yep, whilst having one of my "Let's surf the internet but pretend to be writing" periods (so Mr T doesn't horse whip me) I decided to google "gibberish."

"Gibberish is a generic term in English for talking that sounds like speech but has no actual meaning. This meaning has also been extended to meaningless text or gobbledygook. The common theme in gibberish statements is a lack of literal sense, which can also be described as a presence of nonsense." (Wikipedia)

Interesting; I think I definitely qualify as a potential Eurovision songwriter! But then I found this;

Hmm...you know even though it's gibberish it's kinda clever and I rather like it. So who is this Ryan Leslie ? I'd certainly never heard of him. Well apparently he is better known as a music producer but is also an instrumentalist and rapper. Born of mixed origins, his mother is of Caribbean, Dutch, Chinese, and African descent and his father is from Barbados. I guess Ryan has a lot 0f eclectic interests with that heritage and as he also attended Harvard he must be one smart cookie too! His first album was released in February this year and I've been listening to a few tunes and it's sounding interesting. Maybe it goes to show that where music is concerned lyrics are just a bonus.

Still, I'm gonna give it my best shot anyway with those lyrics next year! Cos I just can't stand losing!

Music Mondays; It's Eurovision Time! (Mrs T's Eurovision Memoirs)

You know it had to happen didn't you? Yes, it was inevitable that sometime I would have to dwell upon that most ridiculed of subjects in the UK - The Eurovision Song Contest.

Yep, we are only a few days away from that supreme masterpiece of international diplomacy and display of musical mastery which brings the entire British nation weeping to its knees. Why is this so? Yes, we the nation who produced The Beatles, Queen and Des O'connor can barely secure a few miserable points no matter how good (or bad) our songs are. We are the outcasts of Europe!

Last year we came last. Yes, that's LAST with a pathetic 14 points. I thought playing Even If sung by the lovely Andy Abraham would be a good prelude to Mrs T's Eurovision Memoirs a little feature I will be posting regularly over the next 2 weeks highlighting some of my favourite Eurovision songs.

The song Even if was co written by Andy Abrahams who some of you may recall was the X factor runner up in 2005 during which his pleasant demeanour and humble status as the singing refuse collector secured him a huge following.

So lets see Andy in action and you tell me ...did this song deserve to come last?



Well personally I don't think it did. It's not a bad a little dance number and it's in the spirit of Eurovision. What's more it's proof that bald men can be sexy!

Okay, there's lots more Eurovision to come in between my other blog entries. However, I hasten to add that at no time will I be posting the two Cliff Richard entries. ( A woman's got to have some principles.)

I leave you with a question for my fellow Brits (or indeed anyone else).... Why haven't we been represented by Des? I feel sure we would have won.......

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