Stuck in the Middle of the Dishwasher

This morning, after yet another mad rush to get the boys off to school, it was time to do the early morning household chores which included that mind numbing task of unloading the dishwasher.  Groan, groan, groan...

You know, I remember when I first got my dishwasher; it was like magic. I loved stuffing all the dirty crockery in it and all the surfaces being clean without hardly any effort. Just my style! (i.e - Fundamentally lazy.) But now folks I've become slack, cruel and heartless... I'm taking my dishwater for granted. Frankly, I'm a cow to it. I can't be bothered to clean it out (well it gets washed every day so why bother?) until it starts protesting by leaving smears over my glasses and sometimes I pack it so tightly the door is practically bulging and sometimes I even...I'm afraid to admit this folks... sometimes I even put cheap dishwashing tablets in it.....

Oh dear God what a heathen I've become! Right, I promise to buy some really really nice scented tablets next time I go shopping. I might even polish it.....

Anyway, back to my story - now to alleviate the boredom of unloading the dishwasher I usually put the radio on and listen to the local radio. So I did. However, there's some new presenters who aren't as entertaining as the previous duo so I switched off and went to look at my Cd's......my finger traced along the covers..as I pondered my choice....

Rod Stewart? Hmm... too...Rusty.


Cher? Nope..makes me feel too drab in my pinny.


Abba...Greatest Hits? Nah..too melodic for this time in the morning and besides my blonde wig is out on loan.


Keane?  Hmm... now there's a possibility. But a whole album at 8am? Could be a bit heavy...


Take That? (Yes I do have an album. Sorry. BUT only their Greatest Hits which I bought for £2.99 in Woolies before it closed down.) Umm.. Nope. Let's say that again because I like the sound.. NOPE.


Pet Shop Boys? Nah, too electronic for the early morning and somehow they always remind me the cat litter needs changing...


Simply Red? Hmm.... I quite fancy listening to Fairground but visualizing Mick Hucknall for 50 mins might put me in rehab....

And then my finger stopped on.....

 James Blunt. Ahhhhhhhhhh.....James Blunt. Hoorah! A bit melancholic for an early morning start but soooooo good!

I pulled out the CD, opened it...

NOOOO! No disc! Where's my James Blunt disc? Where, where, where? What miserable, dastardly thief has stolen my disc?!

Okay - it's probably me isn't it.? Yeah, I've know, in all likelihood, I've put it somewhere but can't remember. Oh well what's new? I'd probably forget to put my brain in if it wasn't already stuck between my ears. Anyway, until it turns up I'm blaming Mr T. (Goes without saying really - what are husbands for if you can't blame 'em for everything you can't find within 30 seconds?)

Right, so I put back the empty cover and my eye fell immediately on...

Michael Buble.

Yes! Yes! Yes! And I know exactly the right song....



Oh Yeah Baby! That is soooooo goooooood for Mrs T to groove to in her kitchen!

Shame about the broken dishes though.....

Supermarket Fantasies!

Okay, I'm gonna spill the beans this morning. I have a secret. And it's time for me to come out! No, not that kinda "come out" I just mean just admit the truth!

You see, I have a fantasy where I'm in the supermarket and suddenly I burst into song and dance, everyone joins in, the whole supermarket goes crazzzzzzy and the manager is so taken with my dance moves he gives me my spuds for free. You know - rather like that bit in the film Fame where all the kids start dancing in the streets and leaping on cars. Yep, that's my fantasy - cartwheeling down the bread aisle, shaking my butt amongst the loo rolls and vocalising amongst the chocolates. Heaven. Sheer Heaven.

Blimey, I'm soooooo bored with shopping that even making a trip to the supermarket loo and inspecting it for cleanliness provides some light relief! I'm a total utter failure as a housewife because making the decision about whether or not to buy toilet cleaner with limescale remover just doesn't light my fire. Fact. And as for whether to buy economy, home brand or Heinz baked beans - it's hardly Mastermind. I mean I used to be an intelligent woman but now I think my brain has solidified into a grey mass that very probably resembles a mummified gerbil. In fact, I reckon if I did go on MasterMind my special subject would now to be something like "The History of The Shopping Trolley 1986- 2009" or "The Life and Times of Lord Sainsbury" or "Nestle Cereal Packet Designs 2000 - 2005."

Yeah, so much for having a degree in History; I can't remember what I did last week let alone who Chamberlain was. In fact the when Master Sam asked me did I know about Chamberlain and his "piece of paper" I thought it was a new brand of toilet roll.

Anyway, what I want to know is if I started getting down in Tescos or Sainsburys would anyone join in? I mean I don't want to be getting down all by myself whilst the old biddies are huddled in the corner timing how long it takes for the ambulance to arrive. So anyone care to join me next time I'm in Tescos?

Anyway, I guess you're wondering what brought this rant on. Well I was on my way home from yet another super dooper life enhancing trip to Tescos when I heard a tune on the radio that has been getting my feet tapping lately. (I should point out at this juncture that foot tapping is not too good an idea if you drive a manual car.) So when I got home and duly plonked the shopping down where I like to leave it for several hours defrosting before shoving it in the freezer before the salmonella start reproducing and went to have a look at the video on You Tube.

And what did I see? The lovely Michael Buble who sings I Just Haven't Met You Yet has stolen my fantasy! How dare he! I am going to sue him for copyright of my thoughts! It's outrageous and what's more it shouldn't be allowed because he's a man! And as I am woman, shopping is my domain and I therefore demand return of my fantasy! I'm calling Mr Buble up and I'm gonna give him a piece of my mind! Yeah, right now!

Well okay, just after I've listened to his fab song one more time....





Huh. Blonde women. They always get the best parts. I would have done it for free. Although it might have had to have been head shots only

Damn.