Thursday, October 30, 2008

A last farewell; An eulogy for my mother

Christina was born in London, the eldest of three daughters. Both her parents came from large working class families and were naturally very keen to improve their prospects. Christina’s mother was a furrier by trade and her father, possessing an astute head for business, eventually became a company director. Soon after Christina’s birth her father's career entailed a move near Stroud, in Gloucestershire. Newly accommodated in a large Victorian house, the family was extended with the birth of a sister, and then some years later by yet another.

The grounds of Glenmore, as the family home was known, offered an idyllic setting for a growing family. Christina often talked of her youth with affection and her vast knowledge of shrubs and flowers were the result of days spent playing in the fields and gardens.

Christina also recalled with clarity the events of the Second World War which featured so poignantly in her early childhood. Glenmore, with its numerous attics and cellars, became the home not just for the extended family but for a full quota of evacuees. These were frugal days, where Christina’s mother’s dressmaking skills were put to good use, where the large garden bore fruit and vegetables and offal on toast was considered a delicacy. Nevertheless, despite the hardships the family unit remained strong and undivided and in the post war years, many of the evacuees and relatives would return to Glenmore to relive the days of sunshine in what had otherwise been a dark and terrible world.

Christina and her sisters attended a private Catholic convent school as day pupils. These were the days of straw hats and stockings and strict discipline enforced by nuns. Christina would frequently remark that she was never the best student and sometimes found the atmosphere stifling. Indeed, she was always forgiving if her own children failed the occasional exam and would make a self- deprecating remark such as how much she’d disliked arithmetic and couldn’t add up for toffee.

But the truth was that Christina had a sharp natural intelligence and an intuitive understanding of people. She was artistic with a natural flair for drama. She knew all the old black and white movies and Gregory Peck was a firm favourite. This love of movies became a life-long interest and even in her seventies she was still going to the cinema regularly to watch the latest releases.

Christina continued her education until the age of 18 when she began her training to become a nurse. It was about this time too that she met John, her future husband. John was a newly- trained teacher who had served in the Navy during the latter half of the war and was now living with the monks at a priory and where Christina attended mass and the local youth club. Christina was young, vivacious and beautiful and it was not long before John’s ideas of joining the priesthood flew out the window. A romance blossomed and in the course of time they were married.

After her marriage, Christina settled into life as a wife and mother. Her three eldest children were born in Worcestershire during a period where John worked at a Catholic school for troublesome and disturbed children. It was a remote and sometimes lonely existence so eventually the family relocated to Somerset where John secured headship of a catholic school. A fourth child was born at the family home and so began a period of stability and peace for Christina and John's growing family.

However, raising four children on a solitary teacher’s wage was a difficult task and this is where Christina’s skills as a homemaker and the practicalities of her early childhood held her in good stead. She frequently went without so her children could have as much as could be afforded. Nevertheless they were happy years for all the family; a simple, almost ideal existence where her children learnt the pleasures of quiet reading, ball games and an appreciation of the countryside.

There were times as Christina grew older when she wondered about returning to work or spreading her wings but there was never a genuine opportunity with the responsibilities of her first her children and then her ageing parents. She nursed her mother in her final months and then when her father relocated nearby she visited him almost every day for many years until his death in 1988. John had retired in 1986 and so there followed a few brief years where the two of them enjoyed a happy and contented retirement.

However, when John suffered a stroke, Christina, yet again, became a carer. Despite a partial recovery, John’s health began to deteriorate once more and so began his long and painful death from cancer, which tested the family and Christina, in particular, to the full. After 40 years of marriage John’s death in 1999 left Christina physically and emotionally exhausted and wondering what the future held.

But as those of you who knew Christina well will know, she was never one for self-pity and despite all the odds she resolved to restore her confidence and enjoyment of life. It was a long and difficult task; where others would have given up or slipped into depression she battled, at first on a daily basis, to face the world again. It was a slow, arduous recovery but with determination Christina began to re-establish friendships, sort through the belongings of a lifetime and look to the future once more.

Eventually she was strong enough to sell the family home and move into a lovely flat overlooking the sea. With the help of Isabel, she made new friendships and acquaintances and was full of optimism. Indeed, it was through Isabel that Christina met Frank and a romance began that left both Frank and Christina full of joy and laughter in their later years. Life was fun again and Christina was full of smiles and happiness.

Christina never really made any concessions to getting old. She rested when she needed but for the most part was fit and active. A lifetime of vigorous gardening, running after children and grandchildren had kept her in good shape and at 73 she still had the courage to drive long distances to visit her children or walk tirelessly up and down the hill to her flat. She was a beautiful woman in her youth and retained much of that beauty in old age without too much care. But her beauty ran so much more than skin deep. Her beauty came from within and it was something to be treasured.

Many of us here today when we come to look back upon our lives may describe ourselves as doctors, teachers, electricians, clerks. Christina was, quite simply, a carer. First as a nurse, then mother, daughter, wife, sister and friend. It was her role in life and one she fulfilled to the best of her ability.

In her role as carer Christina witnessed many deaths and she always said with the utmost sincerity that she wished for herself a quick and easy release from this earthly life.

And so on October 15th her wish came true.

For us, her family, her death has come all too soon. Nothing will be the same again. But we are thankful that her suffering was brief and her passing peaceful.

And we know too, that without doubt, she will be welcomed where she belongs, in the Kingdom of Heaven.

***************************************************

Epitaph

On the 29th October we laid my mother to rest in the same grave that nine years earlier we laid my father, a few footsteps away from my mother’s parents.

Together they lie on a hillside overlooking a wooded valley and where, one day, I too will rest my head.


Saturday, October 18, 2008

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Bloggers Unite for Poverty 2008

Do you miss me Mummy
Down in your shallow grave
Dried, brittle bones in the barren earth
I miss your touch Mummy
Your sweet embrace

Will you miss me Daddy
Wrapped in your scruffy shroud
Wasted, crinkled corpse in the sterile soil
I miss your smile Daddy
Your adoring laugh

My stomach is empty Mummy
My limbs are lank and lifeless
I need a bowlful of rice Mummy
But no one listens
And no one comes

My mouth is parched Daddy
My throat is swollen and sore
I need a cupful of water Daddy
But no one listens
And no one comes

I think I’ll lie down Mummy
The sun is strong and searing
I need a spoonful of rice Mummy
But no one listens
And no one comes

I think I’ll rest now Daddy
The days are long and linger
I need a mouthful of water Daddy
But no one listens
And no one comes

I think I’ll close my eyes Mummy
The dark is warm and welcoming
I think I’ll sleep forever Daddy
But no one listens
And no one comes

Copyright Jane Turley 2008

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Books and me.

Oh poor Mrs T has a cold. It started in my throat and head and then went to my dose. I ate it when it’s in my dose coz den I can’t dalk prowperly…..

Anyway, thought I’d do a quickie post. This is a tag from Master Sy in which I have to tell 6 book related things about me… so here goes….

1.The worst book I’ve read recently is The Love Bug by Zoe Barnes. I bought it at the library clearout for 20p. I had some loose change in my purse and I decided to buy one book from every genre that was in the clearance pile. This was the Chick Lit one and I was attracted to the pink cover like I am to candyfloss but in the same way that I find candyfloss too sweet so was this book. In fact it was like a sweet that one rolls around the mouth and then spits out. Yep, it was soooo bad I couldn’t be bothered to finish it. 20p was way, way too much; it made Thomas the Tank Engine look like a work of sheer utter genius. I was tempted to ceremoniously dump it in the compost heap but I gave it to Mrs B instead… just for verification of my opinion. (She agreed.)


2. The next book I’m going to read is Fat Tuesday by Gary Davison. Gary is a buddy of Paul Burman and Fat Tuesday is his first published book which was released last month. I’m intrigued to read this book because I know Gary likes chocolate in a big BIG way. So I’m just plain old nosey and want to see what he’s writing about. Hopefully, it’ll ooze descriptions of gigantic bars of chocolate taking over the world but if it’s not I’ll settle for a cracking good thriller. Also he lives Up North and I want to see if there’s anyone from The North who knows the full alphabet. Oh dear, did I say that? How terribly politically incorrect. (Hurrah!)


3. The most irritating character in a book I’ve EVER read. Well actually it’s not Thomas The Tank Engine, Postman Pat or even Fireman Sam it is NODDY. Yikes was that kid annoying or what?? And such a selfish, grasping little swine charging toys a whole sixpence to ride in that silly yellow car. I give people FREE lifts in my car if they ask nicely, clean it out, wash and polish it and fill it up with petrol. Not much to ask in return for a trip of a lifetime with a Hot Shot Motor Babe like myself... and I’d just like to say I have not driven into anything lately. At all. Not in the last 72 hours anyway. Although, it’s very possible that my insurance policy might have gone up last week for some strange inexplicable reason…….

Damn, that jet powered engine and the underwater propellers……..

4. The most annoying book I’ve read in the last year was Simple Genius by David Baldacci. Here’s a quick review. Simple, yes. Genius, no. Okay why should I be so damning? Well Mr Baldacci’s female characters got right up my dose. I like thrillers so I can live with stereo typical portraits of women if the plot is good. BUT here’s a brief description of the first 3 female characters introduced;

a) Michelle Maxwell; tall, good looking, long dark hair, natural athlete, Olympic rowing gold medallist, exercise fanatic, possesses “various” black belts, ex secret service, PI…. In the first chapter she picks a fight with a big black guy; “She could be nearly as dangerous as a bomb wrapped terrorist and was looking for any reason to put her foot through someone’s front teeth…”

Yep, really, really believable. Women don’t pick fights with big black guys…they pick fights with big black bars of 70% cocoa chocolate (and they always win.)

b) Sandy, late forties, blonde, immaculate presentation.

Oh I forgot…crippled in a wheel chair…..

c) Alicia, redhead “The loveliest women he’d ever seen,” mathematician and linguist.

Oh I forgot… she has an artificial aluminium leg…..

I’m sensing Mr Baldacci has an obsession with women’s legs (or possibly lack of them).Now I’ve contemplated this novel seriously and I’ve come to the conclusion there’s only one ingredient missing….

Heather Mills McCartney. (Cameo obviously)

5. A book I read to cheer me up when I’m feeling blue is The British Medical Association’s The Complete Family Health Encyclopaedia. Sounds a little strange I know but when I read this I realize how lucky I am not to be inflicted with some very strange and awful illnesses. I’ve been working my way systematically through the encyclopaedia and this method has always worked for dragging me out of any depression.

Until last night that is when I reached Mental Illnesses…now I’m not feeling quite so good…..

6. My own book which I referred to some time ago; The Turley English Dictionary is making good progress. If you remember this book is unique because I list the standard meaning of a word and then the correct meaning. Some of my earlier definitions can be found HERE. However, for your perusal, here are a few more of my recent definitions to encourage you to buy this masterpiece when it comes on the market;

Housewife

Standard definition.
A woman who wears a pinny, cooks, cleans and obeys the rules of her Lord and Master.

Correct definition.
A short fat women in her forties who wears a T shirt emblazoned with “Make my day; quit nagging me.” She has no idea about cooking, has not slightest interest in cleaning and steadfastly annoys her husband with fantastical tales of one day becoming a writer. (And celebrity chef.)

Child.

Standard Definition.
The offspring of an adult which has not yet reached maturity.

Correct definition;
A small (although sometimes can be annoyingly large) humanoid creature. Cannot look after itself in anyway at all unless in possession of its mother’s purse and at the sweet counter. Both small and large versions usually have odious underpants.

Cat.

Standard definition
A four legged mammal worshipped by ancient Egyptians.

Correct Definition
A four legged mammal which vomits and excretes continuously on carpets and which may soon be mummified.

Le Crueset Saucepan

Standard definition
A French manufactured cooking pot.

Correct definition
A French manufactured lethal killing weapon. Unfortunately, the French failed to develop it until after WWII.

Frog

Standard definition
A four legged reptilian creature known for its ability to hop.

Correct definition
A Frenchman known for his ability to hop. (Backwards)

Tommy.

Standard definition.
Slang for a British soldier

Correct definition
Appalling musical starring Roger “Something went wrong with my perm” Daltrey.

Idiot

Standard definition
A foolish person

Correct definition
George Bush

Menopause

Standard definition
A period of a woman’s life where her fertility decreases.

Correct definition
A period of a woman’s life where hair loss precedes the onset of madness.

Madness

Standard definition
The loss of sane and rational thinking.

Correct definition
Mrs Jane Turley, Housewife Extraordinaire.

Copyright Jane Turley, a menopausal mad fool.

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Six ways to change the world


I have to thank Mr Intrepid over at Intrepid Ideas for the inspiration for this post. Apparently Google are running a competition with a $10, 000,000 prize. Wow! The prize is justifiably big as they are looking for ideas that might change the world. Well, I had a think and these are some ideas I came up with;

1. I will create a renewable energy source. This is how it will work; I will be strapped into a chair with electrodes on my hands, feet and head that will transmit energy impulses from my body to a battery that will then generate enough electricity for the whole of the UK. How will this concept actually work? Ok… I will be forced (and I use that term lightly) to watch moving images and stills of Pierce Brosnan in compromising positions on a giant sized film screen…. Obviously my resulting body heat will bring me close to spontaneous combustion but in view of the benefits to mankind I feel Google will be impressed. Of course, should I begin to cool down at any point I must also be subjected to pictures of George Clooney, Kevin Costner, Daniel Craig……..

Like minded woman all over the world will be asked to participate thus providing a new and completely renewable energy source.

Pure genius eh?

2. I will halt global warming. I will do this with the aid of 2.5 kilos of potatoes and
a Le Crueset saucepan.

How is this possible? Well have you ever lifted a Le Crueset saucepan? Blimey, are those things heavvvvvy. I refuse to have any… even the thought of them brings me out in a sweat and I don’t fancy working out at the gym just to pick up the damn things. I have relations who own Le Crueset and I’ve worked out that if you fill them with potatoes they are in fact deadly killing machines… so if you want to finish of your granny and inherit a fortune just give her a Le Crueset saucepan. With the strain of carrying it she’ll be dead by Christmas.

So how will this halt global warming? The answer is simple. Global warming will continue until some disbelievers/politicians get off their backsides and do something about it or they are…. “Removed.” (Know what I mean?) Of course, using an AK47 assault rifle would be quicker but I feel any “removal” must look accidental…. A little bit of water on the floor, a Le Crueset saucepan on the head… and whoops..... cynical politician is no more…

I will also head a secret agency called MI5LC (The British Secret Service - Military Intelligence, Le Crueset Division) and I will be known, amazingly as…. Not M, not J, not T but… but…. Mrs T. The Mrs T. My deadly cohorts and I will stalk disbelievers of global warming and eliminate them...thus allowing effective solutions to be put in place quickly……

(Hmm.. that idea really appeals I’ve always fancied being in the secret service….However, I don’t qualify because according to all the thrillers I’ve read a female secret agent must be at least 5ft 10in, beautiful, a black belt, fluent in 5 languages, an expert marksman and familiar with explosives.

Regretfully, I don’t qualify on any of those accounts. Except the explosives of course…….cos you know what? And this will come as a surprise to you…me and the microwave just don’t get on……)

3. I will solve the current world financial crisis. The answer to this is easy; we all know that there is plenty of cash in this world it just needs to be distributed fairly. What we need is to appoint a thoroughly honest and trustworthy person to administer it.

As a certified
“Honest Blogger” I put myself forward for this job… I will be unequivocally fair and scrupulous; world crisis solved!

“Ssssssh…Ok Mr Intrepid… that’s 10 billion for me, 5 billion for you, ½ a jam sandwich for Bill Gates, 10p for Gordon Brown and a kick up the backside for Mr Bush….”





4. I will increase recycling efficiency. Well I can’t take all the credit for this one - but by using the threat of my Le Crueset Saucepan I will force the entire Women’s Institute to knit recyclable carrier bags made from used plastic carrier bags, thus reducing the need for throwaway plastic carrier bags and the epidemic of castaway products. I read about a British woman who actually does this; to which I say…. Obviously this woman is a member of the WI …. and hurrah for British madness! There’s nothing like it! The knitted bag will be a precursor to Tinfoil Jumpers, Cardboard Trousers (A bit rough on the skin but I bet some folks out there will enjoy it), Paper Doily Knickers (Oooh!) and The Baked Bean Tin Brassiere….

5. I will solve the epidemic of obesity by manufacturing an appetite suppressant. This wonder pill will be based on my own (carbonized version) of
The Turley Pizza Surprise….. I can vouch for the success of this recipe as my boys are supremely physically fit with not a pound of unnecessary flesh on them. (Unlike myself of course… experience has taught me to not to eat my own cooking and just suck on chocolate all day….)

6. In addition to The Turley/Brosnan Renewable Energy System I can offer an alternative solution. It will be the called the Hot Air Vacuum Solution. Politicians who spout lies, rhetoric and “hot air” and also certain celebrities (Obviously I mean Tom Cruise) will be encased in a giant dome where they can spout drivel to their hearts content. The resulting hot air will be collected and used to power massive energy turbines. When they’ve exhausted themselves arguing amongst each other they will be allowed to rest and substituted by celebrity chefs……

Well there you go; 6 easy ways to change the world and earn me 10 million bucks.

What d’you reckon am I in with a chance?

Copyright Jane Turley 2008

Okay.. I know..time to think of something sensible....

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

The Honest Blogger (Ho, hum)


Okay, this is a quickie. Well I hope so but you know sometimes I just go off on a tangent so forgive me if it suddenly becomes an essay.

Talking off essays I 'm so glad I'm not a student anymore. I had enough trouble getting my arse out of bed without such things as computers, ipods and Wii's to distract me. Also, the other day I found a pile of my old essays in the loft ( Okay, when I say "pile" I actually mean a "handful") and started having a browse through them thinking "Oh my goodness did I really write that!" For example on an essay entitled "What was the nature of
Caesarism in France after 1848?" I'd written;

"After Boulanger's victory at the Paris by-election of 1889 France seemed to be on the verge of a new era. It was at this point that the Boulanger movement began to wither away; for
Boulanger instead of consolidating his his power after his victory went to bed with his mistress preferring the tastes of another kind of victory....."

And my tutor has written;

" I take it that on one para you are writing perhaps in a somewhat lighthearted and jocular mood!!"

To which my answer is;

"How else can you treat French History????!

Besides, any race that finds underarm hair attractive has gotta be warped..... says Mrs T whipping out her
Immac/Veet and trying not to get it on her head like she did last time.

In fact,
the story about the Immac is actually true despite that many of you may think this blog is a complete pack of lies. Yes, I was having a beautifying session and decided I would Immac my legs, arms (and cough, cough) various other areas.... whilst having a soak in the bath. However, in all the various bodily contortions I had to postion myself into, somehow I managed to get the Immac over the back of my head where obviously I could not see it.....

The next day, I'm at Mrs D's house with Mrs P and we've just finished playing tennis, I pull off my headband (A necessity otherwise my view is obscured by my hair and I mistake Mrs P's arse for the ball) and my hair starts falling out! Loads of it ! And then I realise, as I find dried lumps of white globules like toothpaste stuck in my hair, exactly what I've done....

Nope, I don't really know how I did it either but here's a tip...

Don't try to make out with your rubber duck whilst plastered in Immac.....

Just kidding.

Nope, actually wait till you've got rid off the Immac......

Anyhow I'm supposed to be talking about Honest Bloggers. Now
Usha and Eve's Lungs both received The Honest Blogger Award and have very kindly conferred it on to everyone on their blogrolls. So Mrs T has received it too... obviously they both felt it was too awkward to say;

" Everyone on my blogroll except Mrs T....."

Now what can I say? Hoorah! And now I've got this award some of you suckers out there may be believe everything I say is true....

Now about that time I climbed Mount Everest with Pierce Brosnan and was hunted down by a pack of rabid dogs.....

OK, so I have to pass on this award and also the award below from Usha which I received a couple of weeks ago for which I must follow the following criteria.
1. When you receive the prize you must write a post showing it, together with the name of who has given it to you, and link them back

2. Choose a minimum of 7 blogs (or even more) that you find brilliant in their content or design.

3. Show their names and links and leave them a comment informing they were prized with ‘Brilliant Weblog’

4. Show a picture of those who awarded you and those you give the prize(optional).

5. And pass it on!

I'm only going to pass The Honest Blogger Award on to a select few. This is not because I do not feel anyone else is dishonest but because I think both my chosen recipients are honest to the extent that I am compelled to read their blogs and their insight into their own lives and personal development has shed light on my own. So I gave this award to Tamera for her blog Simplifying Life and Love and Mr Geoffrey for his blog Love's Passage.


For the seven Brillante awards I nominate;

Tamera for Simplifying life and Love
Simply the best blog about relationships and personal development.

Mr Geoffrey for Love's Passage
A personal story of the rites of love and maturity.

( Yeah, and I've just finished read his manuscript for his book also titled Love's Passage and let me tell you I had to take "Timeout" in the freezer for half an hour just to cool down.....)

Mr Geoffrey for Geoffrey's Farrago
All about Life in Geoffrey's own inimitable style

Jack Payne for Con Man's Blog
All about those guys who rip you off written in a succinct and amusing manner. ( I 've also been reading his book Six Hours Past Thursday. And I've worked out he likes women. Quite a lot. Jack... I'm looking for a Sugar Daddy.....)

Michele for Tales of a Neurotic 30 Something. Huh, a young upstart trying to steal Mrs T's Mantel of Madness. And who really should be blogging a lot more than she does.


Intrepid for Intrepid Ideas
My favourite American guy with a touch of class (even though he vomits on his shoes.)

And who else but ....

Master Sy, my favourite English guy, for the amazing, witty and completely insane


The Wheel is turning but the Hamster is Dead

Well that's it for the moment..... so to all my friends out there..Happy Reading! You're all special in your own unique ways!

Ps, If your curious I got a B++ for that essay; not bad after a pint of pernod and cheese on toast. ( I await an email from Mrs A to tell me she got a First......)

Copyright Jane Turley 2008

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Somebody tell George to stay inside!

Oh blimey, George Michael has been at it again! As if it wasn’t bad enough being caught red handed (excuse the pun) in a public toilet in LA back in 1998 he’s now just be caught with crack cocaine in the loos on Hampstead Heath!

I find it strange that someone as handsome, rich and as supremely talented as George feels the need to exp
ose himself this way. Maybe its part of his creative process, maybe he’s lonely, maybe with his fame he doesn’t trust those who surround him and seeks solace in sex and drugs. Who knows. The reasoning is his and his alone. I guess he’s had some tumultuous times in his life that perhaps money and fame have only exacerbated. I’d rather like to see him reach that stage in life where he is at peace with himself and sooner rather than later.

But hey, George is one talented singer/songwriter and when I listen to his music all I
hear and feel is someone who is multifaceted, who feels deeply, who is a musical poet. His music has the ability to make me want to get up and groove when I hear a song like Club Tropicana and then marvel at his sensitivity with a song like Careless Whispers. Boy is he one hell of an entertainer!

(Mrs A is now turning up Handel’s Water Music to full volume…)

Now I have a little story from way back when Wham were at their height in the 1980s and before his homosexuality was public knowledge. When he was one hot piece of male totty and drooled over by every sane woman. Mmm.. .could he move his hips! What rhythm ladies eh? Oooh I’ve come over all giddy just thinking about it!

Anyway, one day one of Mr T’s female colleagues, who was a bit of a tough cookie and working in high pressure job, pulls in at a petrol station with her girlfriend in the passenger seat. She fills up and the two of them get some goodies in the shop and head for the checkout. Well, guess who is there and paying for his petrol… yep…..

George Michael

Now the young lady is flabbergasted, her mouth falls open , her cheeks flush red. George sees her and being polite is waiting for her to say something…..

And what does she say? Have a guess? Does she say;

A) Oh George, I’m your no 1 fan. Can I have your autograph please?

B) I love, I love I love you! Take me to bed and marry me!

C) Here are my knickers.

D) Can I pay for your petrol?

Nope, she says none of these. Miss Hotshot is completely tongue tied and all she can splurt out is;

“I’m from Newcastle and me mate’s from Scunthorpe.”

Wow!! What an opening line…. I bet George was really impressed! Somehow I don’t think she got lucky that night…..….

Anyway, that brings me round to the idea that if I were to ever meet the lovely Pierce I should
be prepared with my opening line to hook him. Now here’s a few of my suggestions;

1. That’s a lovely Pension Card you’ve got there Pierce, can I help you across the road?

2. My name’s Turley, Jane Turley. I’m an expert with guns; would you like me to show you?

3. I’m Pussy Turley. Come and fly with me…

4. Just call me Honey. I have a lovely pair of shells……..

5. Pierce, Pierce, take me, take me! I’m yours!

6. Here are my knickers.

7. Here is my bra and my knickers

8. I practice yoga. Can I demonstrate for you?


9. Are those X-ray specs Mr Brosnan? (Embarrassed giggles)

10. So we meet at last Mr Bond…..

11. I hear you have a golden gun ….



12. Oh, I’m so sorry my knickers seem to have fallen off…..

13. Here’s my front door key….

14. Here’s my back door key

15. Here’s my divorce papers

16. You are so much BIGGER in real life……

What d’you reckon? Any more ideas out there? (And don't tell me to stay inside.)

Copyright Jane Turley2008

Ps.. It's 100 years since Ian Fleming was born; if you are a Bond fan you can check out this great informative site by
The Times Online

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